So, why do I even do this?

Hey friends, 

Can we talk about for a sec how crappy I am at keeping up with this blog? I need to work this into my life a little bit more. 

I've been spending some time thinking about what to post about for quite a while. Today, it hit me. I'm going to answer the question I get asked almost weekly, by anyone and everyone: 

"Why are you in ministry?" 

The past two weeks have been extremely challenging to say the least; physically, emotionally, and especially spiritually. Even I have been asking myself, 

"why do I do this?" 

"Why do I spend more time with 14-17 y/o girls than anyone else in my life?" 

"Why am I working well over my job's hours and still can't pay rent by myself?" 

"Why am I painting a beard on my face?"

and, "why on earth am I leading other leaders?"

It's at these moments, when I am close to calling it quits, when I am close to losing it entirely, when I am close to packing up and heading back to Enumclaw, that Jesus does a 180 with my heart. It's kind of like Him saying, 

"Hey, Brea, I didn't ask 'why' when I was being mocked, or flogged, or a crown of thorns was shoved on my head, and especially not when nails were hammered into my hands and feet."

That, my friends, is a little thing called perspective, and it's a beautiful thing. 

I do all of those things not because I want you to be in agreement with me, not because I want you to understand the choices I'm making, or because I need to feel appreciated or that I am making the slightest bit of a difference in the world. Nope. None of those reasons. It's because with the help and prayers of so many people who I know, and maybe some I have yet to meet, have come to discover the most beautiful truth you will ever hear: 

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, died for YOU, me, and every other person in the whole wide world. (Even the "bad people", promise.) 

He LOVES you, and I'm not talking sappy, romantic movie, happily-ever-after kind of love. I'm talking about this guy, who you've never actually met, who never made a single mistake, being nailed to a cross after hours of torture beforehand on your behalf. Taking the punishment that we both know you and I deserve. 

I do these things not because I love it, which I do, not because I make a little bit of money, and not because I want high schoolers to think I'm super rad. Trust me on that last one. But because I want every single person I come in contact with to know that the reason I'm doing everything I do is because I want them to know the love that I've come to know. The only unfailing and unadulterated love you and I both will ever know. That's all I want, that's what I want my legacy to be. It would be sweet if at my funeral people literally said, "she loved that Jesus guy and really wanted everyone else to know that love, too." (Not that I've spent a lot of time thinking about my funeral, just fyi.)

At the end of the day, some of this might not make sense to you. If I'm being real here, some of the stuff I do in my ministry is just chaotic. But you know what, it's all I can think to do in order to convey the greatest love story ever told. The best part? It doesn't even have to make sense to anyone else! When you know you're doing exactly what God has called you to, you know it. 

So I beg the question, are you doing what God has called you to? Do you know what God has called you to? And how can I help you do a lot of that?

xoxo

B