Because sometimes following Jesus isn't always awesome...
Hey friends,
I want to clear up a common misconception among people, I think a lot of times people assume when you make the decision to follow Jesus everything is going to be awesome, sunshine, and rainbows from then on out. That, my friends, is just not the case. Some of the most hard times in my life have happened after I made the decision to follow Him.
I'm going through one of those rough patches right now, actually. In my new role on student staff with Young Life in McMinnville I've inherited quite a bit of extra responsibility, and with that new responsibility comes an equal helping of grace. No one honestly expects me to have everything together all the time and be perfect. Well, except for one person: myself.
I put the most insane pressure on myself to really have things worked out right away. I kind of suck at delegating any of the more detailed jobs that come with running a YL club to assure it's done correctly and exactly how I would like it. There's a major problem with this however, I'm driving myself crazy. I'm not measuring up. Things aren't going perfectly like I planned. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of everything Young Life on my shoulders. I just went through an awful break up. I'm struggling in relationships with friends. I haven't been spending nearly enough time with Jesus for how I'm feeling. Things are piling up quickly. I think my good friend Jeramy Williams pulled it out of me best: my soul is tired. I am weary.
I've been playing the song Worn by Tenth Avenue North on repeat for about 3ish weeks now. Here are some of my very favorite lines that I can connect with most:
"I'm tired I'm worn, my heart is heavy"
"Let me see redemption win. Let me know the struggle ends, that you can mend a heart that's frail and torn"
"I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I'm too weak. Life just won't let up"
It's been my anthem, and what I love most is the answer lies within the song: look to Him. Although it's going to take a little bit for me to feel one-hundred percent again. But there's light at the end of the tunnel, I need to know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I need to remember that out of this suffering will come greatness (Romans 8:18). What's been giving me the most peace however is John 15:16:
"16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last"
How amazing is that, although I'm doing my dream job and most days exactly what I want to be doing it wasn't me who chose this life. It was all Him. How freeing it has been to daily give Him all of the control and rest in that scripture. He knew when He chose me that I would need to be pruned in so many ways and that I would grow to bear lasting fruit. In all of my control issues, inadequacy, fear, reluctancy, pride, immaturity, and whatever else He chose me. That is a beautiful thing, and it's also what is going to get me through this season. Ecclesiastes 3 says,
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
I want to clear up a common misconception among people, I think a lot of times people assume when you make the decision to follow Jesus everything is going to be awesome, sunshine, and rainbows from then on out. That, my friends, is just not the case. Some of the most hard times in my life have happened after I made the decision to follow Him.
I'm going through one of those rough patches right now, actually. In my new role on student staff with Young Life in McMinnville I've inherited quite a bit of extra responsibility, and with that new responsibility comes an equal helping of grace. No one honestly expects me to have everything together all the time and be perfect. Well, except for one person: myself.
I put the most insane pressure on myself to really have things worked out right away. I kind of suck at delegating any of the more detailed jobs that come with running a YL club to assure it's done correctly and exactly how I would like it. There's a major problem with this however, I'm driving myself crazy. I'm not measuring up. Things aren't going perfectly like I planned. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of everything Young Life on my shoulders. I just went through an awful break up. I'm struggling in relationships with friends. I haven't been spending nearly enough time with Jesus for how I'm feeling. Things are piling up quickly. I think my good friend Jeramy Williams pulled it out of me best: my soul is tired. I am weary.
I've been playing the song Worn by Tenth Avenue North on repeat for about 3ish weeks now. Here are some of my very favorite lines that I can connect with most:
"I'm tired I'm worn, my heart is heavy"
"Let me see redemption win. Let me know the struggle ends, that you can mend a heart that's frail and torn"
"I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I'm too weak. Life just won't let up"
It's been my anthem, and what I love most is the answer lies within the song: look to Him. Although it's going to take a little bit for me to feel one-hundred percent again. But there's light at the end of the tunnel, I need to know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I need to remember that out of this suffering will come greatness (Romans 8:18). What's been giving me the most peace however is John 15:16:
"16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last"
How amazing is that, although I'm doing my dream job and most days exactly what I want to be doing it wasn't me who chose this life. It was all Him. How freeing it has been to daily give Him all of the control and rest in that scripture. He knew when He chose me that I would need to be pruned in so many ways and that I would grow to bear lasting fruit. In all of my control issues, inadequacy, fear, reluctancy, pride, immaturity, and whatever else He chose me. That is a beautiful thing, and it's also what is going to get me through this season. Ecclesiastes 3 says,
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to tear down and a time to build,a time to weep and a time to laugh,a time to mourn and a time to dance"
And right now, I'm in a time to tear down, a time to weep, and a time to be a weary. But my time to build, laugh, and dance is coming. That's the thing that walking with Christ through difficult times brings us: assurance that we are on the path that's best for us. God's got us in His hands. I'm positive He's hating seeing me hurting like I am, but He knows what amazing things will come of this for His Kingdom. So bear with me friends, I'm growing. But soon I'll be ready again to really bear fruit that will last.
And right now, I'm in a time to tear down, a time to weep, and a time to be a weary. But my time to build, laugh, and dance is coming. That's the thing that walking with Christ through difficult times brings us: assurance that we are on the path that's best for us. God's got us in His hands. I'm positive He's hating seeing me hurting like I am, but He knows what amazing things will come of this for His Kingdom. So bear with me friends, I'm growing. But soon I'll be ready again to really bear fruit that will last.
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